“Put on
therefore, as
the elect of
God, holy and
beloved, bowels
of mercies,
kindness,
humbleness of
mind, meekness,
longsuffering;
Forbearing one
another, and
forgiving one
another, if any
man have a
quarrel against
any: even as
Christ forgave
you, so also do
ye. And above
all these things
put on charity,
which is the
bond of
perfectness”
(Colossians
3:12-14).
Forgiveness
and love:
Sometimes this
is a hard pill
to swallow.
Forgiveness can
be difficult,
especially if
you were
severely hurt by
someone else who
did something
wrong to you.
Each one of us
has had
instances where
we are faced
with the choice
to forgive or
not forgive.
Some of the
small things are
easy to forgive,
but the big
things are
harder to
forgive: victims
of crimes or
sexual abuse,
loss of loved
ones due to
criminal acts,
suicide,
divorce, etc.
Sometimes it
feels like if
you don’t
forgive you’re
hurting the
other person who
did wrong to
you, kind of a
way to get back
at them for the
wrong they did
to you. Most
likely, they
don’t care what
you feel or
don’t remember
what wrong they
did. It is upon
us as
individuals to
forgive others
for wrongs done
to us.
Forgiveness
is not
forgetting what
wrong was done
to you.
Forgiveness is
being able to
let the anger
go, to release
the anger and
ill will you
have to the
offender who
wronged you.
This doesn’t
mean you forget
what happened,
but you have let
your anger and
negative
emotions go so
you can move on.
Forgiveness
can be difficult
because the
wrong that we
are asked to
forgive can be
overwhelming,
especially if it
involved abuse
or criminal acts
towards someone.
Regardless, we
are charged by
Jesus to
forgive, as the
Lord forgave us.
I will use
myself as an
example.
My parents
divorced when I
was just a young
boy and my mom
got custody of
me, and my
sisters. Shortly
after the
divorce my
mother got
involved with,
and eventually
married my
stepfather. When
she met him and
started dating,
she got heavily
involved in
drugs and was
physically
abused by my
stepfather. It
was mostly
emotional abuse
toward me, and
my sisters but
we did watch my
mother get beat
up on a regular
basis and heard
the verbal abuse
thrown her way
and ours. Then
when I was a
teenager, I got
into physical
altercations
with my
stepfather.
I remember
our most
physical
altercation very
well. I was 17
and watching
television. My
mom and
stepfather were
arguing and the
argument moved
to the garage. I
realized that
they were not
yelling anymore
and I went to
the garage to
find my
stepfather on
top of my mom
with his hands
around her
throat. I recall
trying to pull
him off of her
but he was high
on some drug,
cocaine or
something, and
was very strong.
I began punching
him and he
released her and
threw me about
10 feet into the
garage wall and
he went back to
choking my mom.
I ran back
and got him off
of her and then
he put me in a
headlock and
began punching
me. I was able
to get loose
when my mom
started hitting
him and I did a
great left hook
into his
forehead causing
him to bleed.
The next thing I
remember, I was
running to a
neighbor’s house
to call the
police (we
didn't have a
phone) and they
arrived and took
him to jail for
assaulting me,
and my mother.
My mother
refused to press
charges and I
went forward
with pressing
charges. My mom
told me to drop
the charges
because with his
history of
arrests for
violence and
drugs, he would
likely face an
extended stay in
jail. At first I
refused and then
my mom
threatened to
kick me out of
the house among
other threats if
I didn’t drop
the charges. I
dropped the
charges because
I felt I needed
to be in the
home to protect
my sister (other
sister was in
college) and my
mom. It was very
tense in the
house afterward
between my
stepfather and
me, but he knew
I would stand my
ground after
that
altercation.
There were
other
altercations but
let me just say
that from about
10 to 18 years
of age, I was
subjected to and
witnessed abuse
on almost a
daily basis --
as well as
seeing drug
abuse that was
not hidden from
us. This is a
lot of trauma
for a child to
go through. I
could have moved
in with my
father but I
felt obligated
to stay and
protect my mom
and I didn’t
want to move
away the last
year of high
school to
another school.
The day after I
graduated high
school I moved
out of the
house. Now back
to forgiveness.
I had a lot
of reasons to
not forgiving my
mother and
stepfather.
Looking back at
the abuse and
trauma I went
through, I had a
lot of anger of
what I was
subjected to,
what I saw, and
how I felt
during those
eight years. I
held on to the
anger for a long
time.
I eventually
realized that my
anger, my
unforgiveness,
was holding me
back. I realized
that having all
that anger took
a lot of energy
and was
emotionally
draining. It was
too much to
carry. I let it
go. It was hard
but I let the
anger go and in
my heart I
forgave them
both for those
years of hell. I
didn’t forget,
and haven’t
forgotten, what
was done to me
and or how I
felt, but I hold
no ill will
towards my mom
or step dad; I
forgave them in
my heart.
I never
mended my
relationship
with my
stepfather
because he died
a few years
after I moved
out but I still
forgive him for
what he did. As
for my mother, I
had held anger
toward her for a
long time for
allowing her
children to be
subjected to the
kind of
environment that
we grew up in:
the abuse, the
drugs, relying
on me to protect
her, etc. I did
forgive her and
eventually
mended my
relationship
with her.
(As a note,
and since my
father is
reading this
too, he was
always trying to
get us out of
the situation
through the
court system,
but the courts
in the county we
lived in always
favored the
mother. His home
was always open
and welcome for
us and was free
of a negative
environment. I
chose to stay
with my mother
because I was
relied on by her
to intervene in
the fights with
my stepfather,
and I believed
if I was not
there to protect
her, she would
have been killed
by my
stepfather.
Thanks Dad, for
being there for
me.)
I know what
it is like to
forgive the hard
wrongs done to
people. Holding
onto anger just
takes too much
energy and is
not what Christ
wants from us.
We are to
forgive and we
are to love. It
can be hard, but
that’s what He
commands. If
Christ loved us
so much to die
for us, how can
we not forgive
the wrongs
people have done
to us?
Some of you will
disagree with
me, for you have
been wronged in
much worse ways
than I was for
all those years.
I have seen
worse situations
when people were
wronged─when I
was a police
officer years
ago. I
understand and
more important,
God knows your
hurt. He can
help you to heal
and get to a
place where you
can forgive. He
can help you
change your
heart and soften
it so you can
embrace
forgiveness.
“He
that loveth not
knoweth not God;
for God is love”
(1 John 4:8).
The letting
go is the
hardest part of
forgiveness but
is the key to
freedom from the
bond of anger
that
unforgiveness
holds over us.
Holding on to
unforgiveness is
a roadblock in
our relationship
with others and
especially with
our Lord Jesus.
God is love and
expects us to
love others in
return. How can
we love if we
hold a grudge
against another?
Jesus doesn’t
want us to hold
on to anger. He
wants us to
love. If we love
Jesus, we must
love everyone
else, even if it
means forgiving
them for wrongs
and letting
anger go.
“Jesus said
unto him, Thou
shalt love the
Lord thy God
with all thy
heart, and with
all thy soul,
and with all thy
mind. This is
the first and
great
commandment. And
the second is
like unto it,
Thou shalt love
thy neighbour as
thyself ”
(Matthew
22:37-39).
My pastor
says that how we
love others is a
reflection of
how much we love
Jesus and if we
have no love for
someone, then
how can we love
Jesus. If you
love God with
all your heart,
soul, and mind,
you must also
love others in
the same way.
Does this mean
we have to be
touchy-feely
with others and
with those who
have wronged us?
No, but we must
have an attitude
of love and
compassion for
others. We are
not to hold ill
will toward
others. Even if
they deserve it,
we are still to
forgive and
love.
Not forgiving
also means not
loving. How can
we have a
relationship
with Jesus if we
can't forgive
and love others?
He did this for
us. How can we
be blessed if we
hold a grudge
towards others?
If you are
holding onto
unforgiveness,
now is the time
to let it go. It
may be hard and
it may take
time, but we are
charged by the
Lord to forgive
and love.
If you find
it too hard to
forgive a wrong
done to you, ask
Jesus to help
you. He is there
to help us in
times of need
and He will be
there for you in
your quest to
forgive and to
turn that anger
toward someone
into love and
compassion. I
was able to do
this and so can
you.
There is a
great freedom
from the burden
that will be
lifted off your
shoulders if you
can forgive
others for what
they have done
to you. Let
Jesus take that
burden for you.
Let Him help you
lift that anger
out of your
heart and fill
it with love and
compassion. If
you always keep
an attitude of
love towards
others,
forgiveness is
easier to
practice when
someone treats
you badly.
“Charity
suffereth long,
and is kind;
charity envieth
not; charity
vaunteth not
itself, is not
puffed up, Doth
not behave
itself unseemly,
seeketh not her
own, is not
easily provoked,
thinketh no
evil;
Rejoiceth
not in iniquity,
but rejoiceth in
the truth;
Beareth all
things,
believeth all
things, hopeth
all things,
endureth all
things” (1
Corinthians
13:4-7).
God Bless.
All Scripture
is taken from
the King James
Version of the
Bible.
John_lysaught@yahoo.com