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The Plank in the
“I”
By Mindy Silva
Out of His
goodness, mercy,
and grace He has
saved us. He has
forgiven us. So,
why is it so
hard for us to
do the same with
others? Why is
it so difficult
for some
believers to
forgive their
brother or
sister in Christ
in the little
things? Yes,
little. Little
things because
the big things
are so obvious
that we deal
with them
automatically.
Ah, but the
little
things─one word
here, one look
there, one
perceived slight
here or one
omission there
can have an
accumulating
effect and start
attaching
themselves
inside your
spirit, like a
plague to the
lining of your
arteries, until
you realize that
now you have
justified a case
against that
brother or
sister, which
has become a
wall of
separation.
We are
instructed in
His Word that
when going
before the Lord
in prayer, make
sure you have
forgiven the
person who has
something
against you,
then, go and
pray. Many
confuse this
verse by reading
into it that if
you have
anything against
someone else.
But it clearly
doesn’t say
that.
It says
if someone has
something
against you,
then you’re to
first go and
make things
right then come
back and pray.
(There may yet
be other
applications to
this verse.)
Realize that the
walls of
separation we
put up are
because we are
under the
impression
someone else has
something
against us, not
because they
actually do. Are
we discerning
enough to go
before the
person and clear
that up first,
not because of
them, but
because of you,
so that the
slight(s)
perceived by you
may be abolished
and eliminated
and in so doing
you are clean
again? On the
other hand,
let’s say it is
true your
brother or
sister has
intentionally
slighted you and
it’s not just
your perception─you
still need
to do the same
thing.
In fact,
you should have
done it back
then, before it
became a wall.
It is not our
feelings we have
to protect but
the feelings of
others. If they
do not forgive
you, you can
take a deep
breath, let it
out slowly, and
then proceed on
your merry way
for you tried to
make amends
(your
relationship
with God is what
is at stake if
there is
unforgiveness in
your heart).
Misunderstandings
and
misperceptions
occur even among
the best of
intentions, but
most of the time
they are a
foot-in-the-door
intent by (you
know who). Those
are the trickier
ones to detect
if we are not on
watch or
familiar with
you-know-who’s
tactics. They
trip you up in
your walk with
the Lord. You
can’t let that
happen.
Years before
coming to the
Lord, I
experienced two
separate
incidents that
drove the
misperception
point home. One
was with a
window in my
living room. I
lived on the
ground floor of
an apartment
building and the
area was not too
safe. One night
I had a few
friends over and
while sitting in
my living room,
I started
noticing one
friend would
periodically,
during the
course of the
evening, get up
and open one of
the windows.
Then I started
noticing that
another friend
would soon
follow by
getting up and
shutting the
same window.
This went on all
evening. They
never said
anything to each
other about
opening and
closing the
window, neither
did I.
Years
later, I brought
it up with each
of them about
that particular
incident, asking
them why one
insisted on
keeping the
window shut
while the other
insisted on
keeping it open.
The one who
closed the
window wanted to
make sure no one
would try to get
in.
The one
who opened the
window wanted to
make sure we
could get out.
The next
incident
occurred while I
was a passenger
in my (then)
fiancé’s car. He
was from the
Midwest where
they didn’t lock
their cars. I
was from NYC
where everyone
locked
everything and
anything there
is to lock!
While on the
road, I would
push the button
on the door to
make sure it was
locked. But then
I would notice
that he would
end up unlocking
it from his side
of the driver’s
seat. This went
on for a while
until I asked
why. Well, he
wanted to make
sure that if we
were involved in
an accident or
ended up in a
body of water we
could get out,
making it easier
for anyone
trying to save
us. That’s why
he kept it
unlocked. I
wanted it locked
because I was a
New Yorker who
had been
subjected to
many scary
incidents of men
trying to open
my car doors
while I was
inside!
Here I was, not
thinking of the
implications of
these strange
scenarios but
finding out soon
enough how
differently life
is perceived by
each of us.
There was
no slight
involved in
these two
scenarios, but
they do point to
our experiencing
life through
other people’s
eyes. Things are
truly not what
they seem. They
are all
perceived. With
strangers or
even with our
own families,
this might be
the norm, but
with our brother
or sister in
Christ this
shouldn’t be the
case. We have
the same Spirit,
are part of the
same body, so
why is this so
prevalent? Why
so touchy? Why
does our “I’ –
our ego – rise
up in us for any
little thing?
And, it’s
almost always
the very thing
we weren’t
prepared for.
During my youth,
I belonged to a
Pentecostal
church. At the
age of fifteen
or so, I kicked
some church
ladies out of
our home. At the
end of the next
service, which
was the next
day, for we went
to church seven
days a week, I
went to shake
the co-pastor’s
hand and he
refused. Asking
what was wrong,
he very loudly
and boldly (to
match his
height?) stated
because I wanted
to be “X” (my
mother’s name)
in my house. I
remember
replying right
back that if I
wasn’t “X” in my
house, then who
was it going to
be. Then I very
loudly (to match
his height!)
followed with
the reason why
the church
ladies had been
kicked out of
our home (which
they
conveniently
forgot to
include in their
story), telling
him this was
something he
should have been
made aware of
before getting
on his high
horse.
These ladies
would get
together at our
house, which was
right across the
street from the
church building,
and peel and
scalp every
other member of
the church they
possibly could
from the
minister down to
the janitor. I
mean the gossip
was vicious! My
mother, a very
quiet and humble
person, was not
a gossip. Though
she felt very
uncomfortable
about the
situation, she
didn’t dare tell
them to leave.
Well, after
watching her
squirm and
seeing how
trapped she was
feeling, I did.
What that
co-pastor should
have done was
take me aside
and ask me what
happened, giving
me the
opportunity to
tell my side of
the story. But
no, I was judged
and condemned,
so I deserved to
be wrongly
treated. He
acted out of his
misperception or
misinterpretation
of the situation
on a one-sided
basis.
This is just one
of such
experiences that
I’m pretty sure
we all have had
at one time or
another. But it
points to having
to deal with
people who are
so quick to hang
someone without
having all the
facts all based
on a one-sided
view of the
situation. (Or
even if they do
have all the
facts not to be
so quick to hand
in the verdict!)
In my
investigative
work experience,
this is what you
do; you gather
all your facts
first.
But in Christ,
we are all
troubleshooters,
whether we like
to be or not.
And we have to
be. We are all:
“Conflict
Resolution
Specialists.” We
should be
experts at
making sure the
plank is taken
out of our “I”
before we can
even approach
anyone else with
our
misperception of
someone else’s
splinter in
theirs. Maybe
the problem is
that not enough
teaching is done
on the subject.
A “jumpstart”
course for new
born-again
believers should
be in place in
most churches.
Then a refresher
course on a
yearly basis for
everyone should
be the norm. The
federal
government has
training in
place for new
and regular
employees. They
are trained in
conduct and
disciplinary
actions so they
will be aware of
how they are
expected to
behave.
They are also
informed of EEO
laws and
regulations so
that they will
be aware of what
their rights are
under the law
and what to do
if those rights
are impinged
upon. In my
Human Resources
federal career,
most of my time
was spent in
advising
management and
employees in
resolving
employee-relations
issues, mostly
dealing with
perception. I
developed and
provided
training on
leadership and
supervisory
courses. I found
that not
everyone is cut
out to be a
leader. Some
can’t see past
their egos and
so they miss
seeing both
sides of the
equation. Your
perception of
what you think
occurred does
not make it so.
This is
critical, inside
or outside the
faith.
Not many people
want to hear
that they are
wrong, though.
And, it’s not
our job to tell
them that they
are. The issue
faced is to get
acquainted with
the other
person’s point
of view, why
they did what
they did, or
said what they
said or acted so
irrationally
over something
dumb and stupid.
(But remember,
dumb and stupid
to you, but not
to them.) We
don’t have to
agree with other
people’s
actions, but we
do have to
understand the
motive behind
the actions.
(This is the
secret of great
negotiators!)
As followers of
Christ, our
intent should
never be to win,
our intent is to
understand and
be mediators,
keeping our
discernment
razor-sharp and
clear. Our light
should go before
us into any
situation. And
that is done by
putting
ourselves in the
other person’s
place, which not
many can do. By
imagining what
it’s like to
walk in other
people shoes,
whether
slippers,
sneakers,
loafers, or high
heels, you will
be able to
exhibit
compassion─something
followers of
Christ are known
for. Some of us
don’t have a
vivid
imagination (at
least for the
things we should
have it for) and
will dredge and
dredge but
come-up with
nothing. And
that’s okay too.
OK? Yes! You
leave it up to
God for Him to
work more on
your spirit
than theirs, for
if the plank
remains in your
“I,” it will
never get to be
a splinter.
God bless!
©Mindy Silva
2013
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