I Will Go On
By
Camilla Smith
Well here it
is—another
walking story.
I’m so
predictable. But
today was
different. You
see it all began
a few weeks ago,
when Dr. Stanley
was preaching
and he said,
“God will never
leave you at the
same faith
level.” Uh oh. I
knew things were
going too well.
You
know
sometimes you
just sense that
it is time for a
little
faith-bender,
and you think
you will be
prepared because
you know it is
coming.
But then
it happens.
So today I got
the word that my
job will
probably be cut
in half, maybe
more, beginning
this fall. This
is the pattern
with my
career─medical
transcription.
Lose an account,
get a new
account; lose
another one. Too
much work, no
work, very
little work. I’m
used to it. I
have lost work
before. But this
is a biggie. The
best work I have
ever done, for
the best
employer I have
ever had, and so
with the changes
coming in health
care, this could
really be the
big one.
But here’s the
kicker: I didn’t
panic. I always
panic! Usually
shed a few tears
and throw a
small tantrum,
rant and rave a
little then have
my pity party.
Oh yes, I do.
Nobody likes to
have to go out
and look for
more work, start
something new,
learn a whole
new software
system. But this
time, it was
different.
Simply put, God
has been working
in my life.
For the past
couple years I
have drawn
closer to Him
than ever before
and I know He is
in control of
this situation.
I know He has
always provided
work. I know He
has always
gotten me
through these
mini crises. And
every time, the
work is better
and the learning
curve is easier,
and I grow more
confident and
empowered and
come out on the
other side just
a little wiser,
just a little
stronger.
So is this a
test? Is that my
faith I feel
strengthening?
Is this just a
little bump and
the real test is
coming? Maybe
lots of tests?
Who knows. But
now for the
walking part…
No, today the
clouds didn’t
part and no
little “signals
in the skies”
for me. It was
the music again,
though. After I
received the
dreaded e-mail
from my boss, I
put on my
earbuds and went
out for my walk.
The first song
was nearly over
when I turned up
the volume to
hear the next
song as I began
to walk. Of
course, these
songs are on
random shuffle
and I have no
idea what is
coming up
(although pretty
sure it will be
the Gaithers or
the Crabb
family).
So off I stroll,
feeling a little
deflated, but
not too bad, and
the tune that
begins playing
in my ears is “I
Will Go On” by
the Gaither
Vocal Band. What
a song, and just
what I needed.
The lyrics
gently, but
firmly advised
me against
wallowing in
self-pity but
getting up and
being thankful
for God‘s mercy
and grace. Do
not spend one
minute looking
back—just go on
and let God
work.
Well as you can
imagine, I
listened to this
song several
times, giant
smile on my
face, a few
tears in the
corners of my
eyes. And it was
then I realized
I did not need
any overt
signals from
God. Maybe I
have graduated
to that subtle
guidance that He
gives us when we
begin to mature
and learn to
listen to Him.
Audible
rather than
visual. Heart,
rather than
head. I think I
am getting it.
The times we
live in are very
trying. Many of
us are going to
be tested and
tried over and
over again until
the Lord comes
to call us home.
He is chiseling
away that fear,
that lack of
confidence, that
feeling of
uncertainty we
have as humans,
trying to keep
our thumb on our
own problems and
solve them our
selves. Worrying
about this,
worrying about
that. God is
molding us and
grooming us to
become Christ’s
bride and as
that time nears,
our desire to be
ultimately
prepared for
that destiny
should be our
sole spiritual
purpose.
When we focus on
Christ’s return,
we will
automatically
want to please
him in our every
day lives, and
we will want to
bring others
into the fold,
which is what we
have been sent
to do. It is
vital in these
final days of
the Church Age.
I’ve said it
before—what
could be more
important than
being ready and
getting others
ready, for the
Rapture? I
cannot think of
anything.
So looking back
over this day,
all in all, it
was a learning
experience. Not
only am I
growing as a
person, I am
growing as a
Christian --
learning to lean
on God and the
Holy Spirit to
guide me to and
through my next
adventure. Will
I still be a
transcriptionist?
Who
knows. Maybe God
has another plan
for me.
Admittedly, I
did hope for a
few minutes that
the Rapture
would occur
before I have to
find another
job, and maybe
it will.
But that
is up to God and
I have to be
prepared to do
His will while
still inhabiting
this earth.
For a moment, I
even thought a
new career
venture would be
a little
exciting, but
that was a
fleeting moment.
No, I don’t like
change. I don’t
think many of us
do. But if God
is going to work
in our lives, we
can expect
change and lots
of it. It is
what makes us
grow.
It is
what makes us
trust. It is
what enhances
our lives as
Christians and
it ultimately
draws us near to
our Savior.
I have to say,
my little
musical
“enlightenment”
today was quite
a wonderful
moment.
To quote
the lyrics of
the song’s
chorus “I will
go on, my past I
leave behind me.
I’ll gladly take
His mercy and
His love. He is
joy and He is
peace. He is
STRENGTH and
SWEET RELEASE. I
know He Is, and
I am His…I will
go on.”
Then the next
song popped
up…“A Place
Called Hope.”
How appropriate.
How
inspirational.
Of course I
would be remiss
to end this
little story
without telling
you the title of
the song that
sandwiched these
two inspiring
melodies on my
player. Two
different
versions of:
“Why Me Lord?”
Seriously.
Camilla